Stress: A potential frenemy
12/2/2024 by Nikki Rose, L.I.C.S.W., M.S.W.; Kileen Smyth, L.I.C.S.W., M.S.W.
Stress is our body's response to things around us, including good and bad changes. This reaction can be both physical and emotional. Stress is individualized; what triggers stress in you may not bother someone else. Everyone experiences stress as they learn to navigate life. We understand what we can add to our plate when we have too much to manage and how to set boundaries for ourselves and others. Cultivating balance is a key component of stress management.
Good vs. bad stress
Stress is a natural part of life; it can be helpful. Stress can motivate us to achieve goals, help us stay focused and give us the energy to “get stuff done.” For example, if we didn't feel stressed, we wouldn't worry about being late to work or school or finishing a project on time.
Positive stress includes changes in our lives that fill us with excitement, such as the first day of school, learning a new hobby, going on vacation, having a child and meeting new people.
Bad stress, also known as "distress," weighs on us, brings our mood down, drains our energy and diminishes our view of ourselves and others. It can be cunning and seep into many areas of our life. This kind of stress may feel burdensome. Examples of negative stress include abrupt or unforeseen life setbacks such as losing a job, failing a class, breaking up/divorcing or the death of a loved one. Sometimes, people can turn these difficulties into opportunities, but they are tough at the start.
Stress comes from what happens around us or to us, as well as our reactions to what is happening or what we think is happening to us. Anxious or ruminative thoughts are often heightened during this time. Brain research has revealed that negative thoughts trigger stress, and our brains are drawn to negativity. That's why fears/phobias, overthinking, perfectionism and unrealistic or irrational expectations can stress us out.
Signs of stress
Physical signs of stress range from headaches to stomachaches, chest pain to fatigue and difficulty sleeping. Sleep issues can include trouble falling and staying asleep, oversleeping, waking up and being unable to fall back asleep.
Stress in children may show itself in different ways than adults. Sleep issues may relate to anxiety, while being irritable may be a sign of depression or stress.
Emotionally, stress exhibits itself as:
- Irritability.
- Lack of enjoyment or motivation.
- Crying easily and more often than usual or when angry.
- Trouble concentrating and focusing.
- Worrying or feeling anxious.
Kids and stress
Kids experience stress, too. But it may be harder for them to handle it because they don't have the life lessons and skills learned by adults. Educating kids on managing stress is vital for developing positive mental health.
Helping your child cope with stress can be difficult, and it's tempting to take on their challenges and help them feel better faster. However, learning to manage stress in a healthy way is an important lesson and one they'll need throughout their lives.
A few tips to help your kids manage stress include:
- Model healthy ways to manage stress; they learn from watching you.
- Voice your feelings about work, family, etc. ("I felt frustrated today when my boss sprung a new assignment on me") and demonstrate a healthy way to manage it ("I think I'll go for a run to get it out of my system").
- Ask your kids for specifics about their day to avoid the "How was your day?" "Fine." cycle. Use open-ended prompts like, "Tell me about something difficult that happened today."
- Be careful about accidentally invalidating your child's distress. It can be tempting to respond to your child's concern by problem-solving or pointing out why it's "not so bad." Instead, listen empathically and allow your child to have negative emotions.
Raising kids can be the most rewarding and challenging thing we do. Being a parent is a second job on top of our daily routines and commitments, which can be overwhelming. As a parent or caregiver, you must take care of yourself to be the "best you" for your loved ones, so don't forget about your own stress management.
Make time for yourself. Take a break by exercising, walking, reading, socializing with friends or practicing mindfulness.
Use your support system.
Reach out for professional help. You don't have to do this alone! Now that you know more about your frenemy, watch for a follow-up story on tips for coping with stress.
Nikki Rose, L.I.C.S.W., M.S.W., is a clinical social worker serving the Mayo Clinic Center for Safe and Healthy Children and Adolescents.
Kileen Smyth, L.I.C.S.W., M.S.W., is a clinical social worker at Mayo Family Clinic Northwest. She works with Primary Care's Division of Integrated Behavioral Health (IBH).