How to talk to children about scary things on the news
5/6/2024 by Ika Kovacikova, M.D.
Between conflicts overseas, gun violence and natural catastrophes, it's an understatement to say that the news these days can be scary. In addition, media is now streamed to us from many different sources — television, radio, smartphones and even through screens at gas station pumps. It can be overwhelming for even the most well-adjusted adult. Now imagine this stream of information through the eyes of a child.
It can be hard to know how to talk to your child about scary news. Here are some practical tips and guidelines to get you started.
Children should hear news from you, as opposed to other unfiltered sources. As much as we try to shield our children from scary news, it can be impossible to completely prevent exposure to media today. In addition, if your child is in school, they might hear staff or other children discussing the events. To avoid scary information catching your child off guard, they should hear this information from you, someone they trust and feel safe around. This approach also allows them to ask questions immediately instead of letting their imaginations run wild.
Discuss events in honest yet simple terms. First, ask your child what they have already heard. This tactic can be a good way to start a conversation and allows you to correct any misinformation. Be clear about what happened but skip the gory details. Children need to know what and why an event happened — but they don't necessarily need to know the specifics. You can tailor this information based on your child's developmental age. For example, a younger child might not know what a gun is, while a school-aged child might be familiar with guns. To a preschooler, you might say. "A person hurt a lot of people in 'X' place far away." They don't necessarily need to know about the gun. To a school-aged child, you might say, "A person used a gun to hurt people," as they are old enough to hear about a shooting and know what that means. They don't necessarily need to know that an automatic rifle was used.
Remind your child that they are safe. Discuss what steps are being taken to rectify the situation and discuss how people are being helped after the catastrophe. Remind them that they are safe at home and consider using this time to create emergency action plans in the event of weather emergencies, fire or if they get separated from you outside or in a store. In addition, practice finding "helpers" when in the community or while out doing chores with your kids. This could mean spotting police officers, firefighters, store clerks or even other families with children. This approach helps children feel empowered during scary events.
Be mindful of the media your child is exposed to. The goal of many media outlets is to try to attract more viewers. They often achieve this goal by repeatedly showing the most stark, scary images. Instead of keeping the TV playing in the background, turn the TV off while not actively watching it or watch the news after your child goes to bed. In addition, be mindful of unsupervised screen time on apps such as YouTube. Computer algorithms can lead children to watch more mature content unknowingly.
Keep your feelers out for signs of anxiety. Toddlers and young children can absorb more than they initially let on. Unfortunately, most don't yet have the skills to verbalize how they are feeling. Anxiety is thus more likely to manifest as physical symptoms (such as headaches or belly pain), sleep disturbances or irritability and aggression. Talking about feelings, naming feelings, and reminding children that they are safe are the first steps to addressing these big emotions.
The American Academy of Pediatrics has created "How to Talk With Kids About Tragedies & Other Traumatic News Events" to help families with these difficult discussions.
Ika Kovacikova, M.D., is a physician in Community Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine in Rochester, Minn. She practices primary pediatric care at Mayo Family Clinic Northeast.