Does your personality make you different?
3/11/2024 by Alisson Lass, Ph.D.; Rachel Wasson, Ph.D.; Kyle Schofield, Ph.D.; Anne Roche, Ph.D.
We all have different personality traits that make us unique. She is intelligent and introverted. He is kind and ambitious. They are adventurous and confident.
Describing people's personalities with specific traits helps us to understand their distinct qualities. When we think about these traits, we also think about relatively longstanding things. Personality traits are often present by adolescence and extend into adulthood.
What happens when the terms that are used to describe you or someone close to you are not so flattering (e.g., He is a narcissist; they are so self-absorbed.)? Everyone has some traits that they are less proud of than others — it's part of being human. However, there are times when someone's personality can lead to problems. It can be helpful to think about the concepts of "distress" and "impairment." Is someone's personality leading to significant distress to oneself (or sometimes those around them), or is it interfering with that person's ability to function in life as desired?
Many people have heard the term "personality disorder" discussed in popular culture. You may wonder, what does that really mean? The DSM-5-TR (American Psychiatric Association, 2022) provides an outline of personality disorders, along with specific criteria to determine if someone meets the criteria for a certain personality disorder. In summary, the DSM defines a personality disorder as "an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from the expectations of the individual's culture, is pervasive and inflexible, has an onset in adolescence or early adulthood, is stable over time and leads to distress and impairment."
Importantly, the patterns of thoughts, emotions and behavior that occur in personality disorders are typically longstanding, persistent across many different situations and cause substantial distress and impairment for the person. For example, these patterns may lead to problems in the person's social or work life, can make it challenging to relate to others and can result in unhealthy coping strategies.
We won't describe every personality disorder in this article (and, likely, you wouldn't have the time to read it anyway). Instead, we have included a fictional example below to help put this in context.
Dennis is a 46-year-old male. He often brags about his achievements around others, including how well he did when he was in school and how intelligent he thinks he is. He often dreams of being famous or in high political offices, even though he doesn't know much about politics or the government. He has been feeling depressed lately because he feels like those around him don't recognize how special and talented he is. He also believes his current job is "beneath him." He has difficulty establishing and maintaining relationships with those around him because other people perceive him as not really caring about them and using them for his own gain. They also get tired of his constant bragging. In addition, Dennis has not been promoted to the supervisory position that he would like at work because his supervisors have concerns about how he interacts with his colleagues. This behavior is a longstanding pattern for Dennis, and it has caused problems for him since he was in high school.
In this case example, we see that Dennis's personality traits are ultimately linked to emotional distress, as he is feeling depressed and dissatisfied with his work and relationships. They also impair his ability to function to the best of his ability in the workplace. Importantly, this is a longstanding problem for Dennis. In this case, Dennis would likely meet the DSM-5-TR's criteria for narcissistic personality disorder.
If you are concerned about aspects of your personality or those of a loved one, it could be helpful to talk with a primary care clinician or a mental health professional about it. Regardless of the source of your distress, getting appropriate support from someone trained in the diagnosis and treatment of mental health concerns is a good first step.
There are many types of personality traits and disorders. Any mental health treatment will depend on the type of problems a person is experiencing. You should know that for some personality disorders, evidence-based treatment (treatment that has been shown to be effective through research) can be life-changing. Some people no longer experience distress and impairment related to personality disorders after successful treatment because they have learned new coping strategies and communication skills that change the way they interact with those around them.
Just like with many other health problems, loved ones who struggle with personality traits or a personality disorder may or may not be ready to reach out for help. If you are struggling in your relationship with a loved one because of their personality, it's okay to seek therapy for yourself. A trained mental health professional can teach you communication skills, like boundary setting and coping skills to help.
Important: If you or a loved one is considering suicide or plans to harm another person, don't wait to reach out for help. You can call 911 in an emergency or go to your nearest emergency department. You can also reach out to the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988 or visiting 988lifeline.org.
Alisson Lass, Ph.D., Rachel Wasson, Ph.D., and Kyle Schofield, Ph.D., are clinical health psychology fellows at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn.
Anne Roche, Ph.D., L.P., is a psychologist in Primary Care in Rochester and Kasson's Integrated Behavioral Health Division.